Without a close relationship with their athletes, there is little difference between a coach and a spectator. Without intimacy in a marriage, there is little difference between a spouse and a roommate. In 1 Corinthians 7:5, God tells us quite bluntly, “Do not deprive one another [of intimacy], except perhaps by agreement for a limited time, that you may devote yourselves to prayer; but then come together again, so that Satan may not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.” Christ gave us the gift of intimacy with our spouse because it truly sets a lukewarm relationship on fire.
When intimacy is lacking with your spouse, try something creative or thoughtful to spark your connection:
- Write your spouse a simple message on a sticky note, or a longer letter in a card or notebook page. Try using “I love you because…” messages, mentioning qualities that attract you to your spouse.
- Plan a surprise date night, and be sure to complement your spouse’s appearance; speaking words of attraction leads our brain to believe the things we are saying.
- If your spouse’s Love Language is gift giving, pick out something intimate they would appreciate and surprise them.
- Send a text message or email to your spouse in the middle of a work day. Tell them why you are looking forward to seeing them after work, or simply tell them something you love or appreciate about them; remember the “little things” you used to enjoy hearing when you were dating.
- Hold hands during unexpected times: while watching TV, while sitting in church, while grocery shopping, etc. Sometimes, simply holding hands and feeling skin-to-skin is so valuable.