Do you ever feel as though your partner doesn’t seem to understand you anymore? Or does it ever feel like both of you are on different wavelengths? You may have made it perfectly clear how you feel, but the problem is with your partner who does not seem to understand matters from your point of view. Blaming each other for issues is tempting, but will never give you the satisfaction, communication, and closeness that you desperately desire. Even if you are struggling to overcome a particularly challenging issue, or daily arguments have become the norm in the relationship, each of you can benefit from improved communication.
Five tips that will help you get on the right track towards mutual understanding and deeper connection.
1. Find an appropriate time to discuss the issues
Setting aside time to check on each other can make you more productive in a relationship. Plan for a time in the near future when both of you are free to solve issues comfortably. Morning sessions and Sunday afternoons tend to be the best times for when both of you would be in a relaxed mood. You may have to adjust your schedules in order to find extra time. Most often, couples attempt to speak about a particular issue as it is unfolding. While this may be effective for some days, giving each other ample time to express a concern genuinely may help you feel free with your partner and feel more relaxed. Take time to express your wants and then follow up with the right proposal at more appropriate period. That enables consideration and respect in the relationship, which in turn helps to foster an atmosphere of goodwill between two lovers.
2. Understand and speak on your partner’s perception
Listening can be challenging, especially when your partner is talking about something that generates a frustrated response in you. Remember that you will also get the turn to raise your points, but for now, it is vital to tune in and not interrupt. Maintain direct eye contact and be fully present with your lover. You can show being fully present by concentrating exclusively on the discussion and what is being said. It may be essential to view the conversation as involving two subjective perceptions rather than one individual being right or wrong. If you are not sure about something or you have not understood something clearly, ask a reasonable question or more to make sure you truly understand. For example, you could ask, “Am I getting that right?” or make statements of confirmation like,”Make me understand clearly” or “Tell me if I am hearing you right.” Listening to each other for a period of 10 minutes can make an enormous difference. If you find tensions are rising and tempers are flaring, you may take a 5-minute break and come back in a relaxed mood.
3. Mind your tone and language
When you feel the urge to insult or become accusatory or begin a statement with “you always.., “control yourself. Spending a few minutes to cool down before responding will help you say exactly what you feel instead of blaming or becoming defensive. Admitting your frustrations and confusion to yourself and your spouse can be difficult. One way to express your uncertainty is to say, “Understanding it this way seems to lead us down a destructive path; I want to get to a better place, but I’m not sure how.” This type of discussion can result in a more constructive conversation. If you find a particular issue that is hard to solve, it may help to share your feelings about the subject. For instance, you can say, “I would really love to share the issue with you, although I am anxious about it because I am sure this is the point where we experience difficulties.” Sometimes, this type of statement can help you let go of the pressure to have a perfect conversation. Ask yourself about the feeling you have at that particular moment. It is always easy to lose an important message simply because we don’t like the tone of whatever is being said. Take record. Being patient with yourself and taking your time can help communication with your partner become more fruitful.
4. Think about what you can offer not just what you can take
A truly good relationship is one in which both partners can give and take, and when couples are both especially involved in giving, it can strengthen their ability to solve conflicts effectively. With some awareness, you can shift a problem dynamically. Carefully tune into your actions and words. Is there anything you can do or say to produce a different outcome? When you feel affectionate, send a caring message to your spouse and let him/her know you are thinking of them. When you can function from a place of love and generosity, you will experience improved communication. What positive and unique qualities do you bring into your relationship? What are you excited to offer your partner? How can you positively contribute to your partner’s well-being and give him/her what they need and want?
5. Notice and loudly speak up about what you can appreciate about your partner
Everyone wants to feel valued and appreciated in a relationship. It can be simple to fall into a selfish mindset, telling yourself, “I feel like I do too much, and no one notices.” When we take time to recognize the other person’s good deeds and qualities openly, we create a pleasant atmosphere for emotional generosity. Notice something about your lover that you are grateful for and tell him/her. We always tend to focus on what is not working or what we do not have in relationships. This critical shift to positive views can make a significant difference. You can find that your lover starts to reciprocate appreciation and gratefulness. Taking the time to fully understand and genuinely appreciate your lover’s perspective can significantly improve the quality of your relationship.
The next time you notice yourselves stuck or unable to communicate effectively, try out these tips to help you experience a deeper and more satisfying connection.