So, you’ve thrown the pass, and now you’re waiting with bated breath to see if someone catches it. You’ve done the hard part and have chosen to forgive your spouse, abandon the resentment you carry towards him/her, and move on. But there’s still one problem: is your spouse on the same page?
Is your receiver in the endzone ready and willing to catch your pass? How do you both get there to ensure victory? You have to communicate. You have to practice and run the plays over and over and over again. Communication must be intentional, mindful, and executed so that you can heal and are equipped to navigate the inevitable future challenges. Designate “practices” where you sit down with your spouse and vocalize the emotions and thoughts you’ve been internalizing.
This will allow you to grow and heal together and develop strategies on how to move forward together and tackle those near-defeat moments. Your spouse can’t read your mind; he/she doesn’t know what play you want to run or where you want to throw the ball. Even though you may not want to, sometimes you have to initiate the conversation, set the rules, and show your spouse how to communicate.
Explain what you need him/her to do to gain your trust, to feel loved and appreciated, to feel safe. Ask what he/she needs from you as well. Try to delve into his/her background, how he/she was raised because these factors could very well influence him/her as a player on your team and how you run plays together. You have to understand your spouse’s capabilities, shortcomings, talents, and skills in order to rebuild or grow your marriage and overcome the challenges ahead. Ask God to give you the right questions to ask; even Moses didn’t feel confident and knew he was slow of speech. But God gave him the words he needed to save His people. To trust your spouse when the game is down is going to require communication and understanding and lots of practice.